Old Records Become New Records

                                 ...my mind is coated in a layer of dust

                                                                         ...like an old record I blow the dirt away

          ...using it for the first time since centuries

                                                         ...I see the lack of knowledge that I once had

                         ...where did it all go?

                                                 ...I don’t know, but I can start a new

                                                                    ...So I blow off the dust from these records

        ...& make a new song, a new life.

World Class Jerk

        These are the people who eat little kids for lunch.

   They are not the ones who steal your lunch money, but they are the one’s who think they are better than you.

        They prove this by discriminating you for who you are.

   They pester you & never care for who you are.

       They try to rip your heart out because they don’t have one.

   We try to forget what they have done but at times the reoccurring thoughts of the pain & anguish they have caused takes over your mind & you try to forget.

    You try…      

                    …to forget.

HUE MAN

The shadows of man. We fight the natural man but 
what happens during this hostile encounter?

"You may either win your peace or buy it; win it, by resisting evil; or buy it, by compromising with evil." -John Ruslom

There is no plain evil, but in the moments that we have been given we chose to do wrong or right.

ENGLISH TIME-

Definition of Evil: profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity, especially when regarded as a supernatural force.

The world is not sinless & yet expects perfection.

Sorry but I have sinned.

I guess I must leave the room for saying that.

I am DY4RANT for this & my differences show who I am.

"I didn't belong as a kid, & that always bothered me. If only i'd known that one day my differentness would have been much easier." -Bette Midler

I feel nothing, as though my soul has been stolen by the devil!

I can't do it! -my body says

I don't know my life! -my mind says

I don't know my childhood. -I say...

Who was I?

My heart gets crushed so easily & I don't know why.

I have complete trust in anyone, but why is it hard for others to trust in me?

Am I too foreign?

Am I too much European to handle?

Yet I was born in 'Emerica', raised by America, & yet I have the burning passion of my motherland.

So I am not a robot?

What?

I feel dreams.

I smell the color yellow when I feel happy.

I taste red as pain seeps through my cuts and scabs.

I am...

            ...real.

Don't paint your life with lies just to make it look decretive.

Leave that chair bare, free of varnish, free of paint, & free of deceit.

Show the real you.

No lies.

All truth; even if it hurts when you feel the splinters in your hands.

DY4RANT

- ..- -. .. -. --.  -- -.--  .-.. .. ..-. .  .-.. .. -.- .  - .... .. ...  .-. .- -.. .. ---  ..  -.-. .- -.  --- -. .-.. -.--  .... . .- .-.  ... - .- - .. -.-. .-.-.-  - .... . -.  ..  -.-. .- - -.-. ....  .-  --. .-.. .. -- .--. ... .  --- ..-.  .-  ... --- ..- -. -.. .-.-.-  -. --- -  ... ..- .-. .  --- ..-.  .-- .... .- -  .. -  .. ... --..--  ..  .--. .- - .. . -. - .-.. -.--  - ..- .-. -.  - .... .  -.. .. .- .-.. .-.-.-  -.-. .-.. . .- .-. . .-.  .- -. -..  ... .-- . . - . .-.  .. ...  - .... .  ... --- ..- -. -.. .-.-.-  -... -.--  .-  .-.. .. ..-. . - .. -- .  --- ..-.  -.-. --- -. -.-. . -. - .-. .- - .. --- -.  ..  .... . .- .-.  -.-. .-.. . .- .-. .-.. -.--  --- ..-.  .-- .... .- -  .-.. .. ..-. .  -- . .- -. ... .-.-.-  - .... .  ... .-- . . -  ... -.-- -- .--. .... --- -. -.--  .--. .-.. .- -.-- .. -. --.  .- ...  ..  ... .-.. --- .-- .-.. -.--  ..-. .- .-.. .-..  .- ... .-.. . . .--. .-.-.-

Sorry, I Need to Find Myself First

How can I be in a relationship if I can’t tell her who I am, let me rephrase that.
I don’t fully understand who I am.
I look in the mirror & see _______ ______;
A kid who doesn’t know himself.
I try to think about it but it hurts.
It hurts to know I am not the man I want to be.
I often think about it while looking as though I am zoning out, & then I realize others are gazing at me…
She is amazing, but I just don’t know if I could ever be her boyfriend.
I just feel as though I am not ready yet.
So much peer pressure saying of who is with whom, but what all I am hearing is a foreign language all together.
I am struggling enough as it is to find myself & now my peers want me to get into a relationship.
I don’t know anything about relationships… So can I get my blood checked & have some guy tell me WHAT I am, WHO I am, what my values are & how I can become better.
Finding myself is like being an adventurer.
It might take a while, but when I do find myself, I will become the man that I wanted to be.

Colorless Crayons

Crayons seem to have every color but black and white.

Where are they?

Am I not seeing them and that is it? 

I don’t like colors.

Colors expose the emotions that you wouldn’t see in black and white. 

I only remember my past in shades of grey because I would have gone emotionally insane in color. 

When I was a child, I never cared about my hair or clothes or even who I was. 

So when my teacher asks of me to pick a colorful crayon, I couldn’t.

I want to confess… I am not a crayon expert.

So I grabbed a black crayon.

My teacher looks at me in disappointment.

Seems as though she said I lost my creativity. 

Where did I go WRONG to lose my creativity?

Was it because I picked a black crayon?

I became so NUMB.

Trying to become the person that others wanted me to be, I gave it up.

I picked the black crayon...

and I don't regret it.

UNIVERSAL MINDS

My mind is plastered on the walls.
You can see every emotion & memory that I had; the good & the bad.

You might as well mention the ugly.

I haven’t explored everything in my mystery mind.

I don’t know if every place on this earth has been explored.

I wonder what is in my head, & then I turn to be afraid

afraid of my mind

I am afraid of thee unknown  

I am afraid of being alone

I am afraid of myself

I am afraid of what I would become.

It seems to me that I make many more mistakes than rights.

Losing hope I abandoned all things.

Abandoned all my dreams.

I am left with the monsters.

They are not under my bed, but they live inside my head.

thee odd ball' hat

A hunting hat for lumber jacks... 

Not many people can think of that.  

Sometimes I wish I was a lumber jack.  

It seems as though they are predicted to be tough, like nothing can come in between them & their axe. 

They are so mentally strong & built like a brick wall, yet I am shoved aside like a piece of trash & not understood the full purpose of me.  

I wish I was a lumber jack. 

They wear their hats with pride and courage, knowing their job can be dangerous. 

They could die, yet they face death with a grin. 

 I have pride of what I am, but who am I?

  I know my ancestry & where I come from but what makes me.. the person who I am?  

Is it the hobbies that I do or is it the music I listen to?

  Is it the people I hang out with or is it the hat that I wear? 

The hat of a lumber jack.

How to eat a sandwich?

I crest my heavenly toasted B.L.T.  

Tongue sweating from its glorious smell,  

I dared to take a bite.  

The flavor surpasses my senses... I drift into a dream.