BRENDEN GAJDOS: November 2015

Listen Loud 'Cause I Am Saying This Once.

There are notes that I have written but never read.
I want them to be kept as secrets.
But these secrets I have locked up in an old wooden box.
My teachers tell me to dig up, pick up, & give up my secrets.
Secrets were meant to keep away from the world.
Especially when the world would get offended.
I keep secrets to myself, because sometimes I can only trust myself.
So leave me alone in my bedroom with the view of the mountains.
Authors don't need names but just need to be heard.
If my words are not enough to sooth your mind then I will tell.
I am, I am who I was supposed to be.

Every day there is something to work on.
Some how to become better.
I become someone that I can bear with.
I forgiven others & sometimes myself.
I understand the simplicity of life but I feel there is more.
I trusted people with given sentences of my life & now I forgot who hasn't returned them.
I have forgotten how my life story goes.
But now I am closer to paradise & all is needed is to take a step.
I am ready to give a chance.
I am ready to go.
I am Brenden Gajdos.

I will always be running into the sun.
Even till it goes dark.
I'll be in the background.
I'll be in the crowd.
I'll be forgotten.
Just wait & see.
But I will always be running.
Running into the past memories that I remember.
In the end I will be a figment of your past.
But one thing I don't want you to forget.
We only live when we touch the hearts of those we meet.
Don't forget that everyday counts for those who only got a handful.
Everyday I got is a blessing from God.
& one day you will see.
Voices are heard from the tapes we've made in the past.
Voices that changed hearts are still changing hearts now.
You will see that faces don't matter just as long as you remember their voices.
The voices of those who changed the world.
Remember my voice and not my face.
Thank you.
-Sincerely, Brenden Gajdos

Moments Heard

Here we go!
This is the time of our lives.
This is my shining moment.
Everyday is my moment.
Everyday is our moment so don't let go so easily.
Express every moment in great detail, 5 years from now you can reread the highlights of your life.
Live life.
Live to love.
Live to be kind.
Live to be caring.
Live to be yourself.
So don't tell me to stop because I am trying to go & see the world from the top of my roof.
I am not like the rest of the world.
I don't need any proof that hearts can feel.
I just know they can feel because I listen.
I listen to my heart.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for reading.
But this moment I don't want to be noticed for my name...

....but for what the words of my voice have to say.

Not Ready To Confess

Never revealing who I am.

Too busy & won't have the time to do it right.

Even then you don't need to know who I am.

It's not about the person.

It's all about the words, the music, & what you take out of my writing.

So give me something to read because I need to feed my inspired mind.

& without written word man kind is blind.

& without fear nothing can be conquered.

But the fear I face is a brick wall that never ends to the left & to the right.

Looking up this wall, it goes through the clouds & into space.

& no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I just can't face it.

Not yet.

Can't break through it.

Fear closes in.

Confined on all sides this wall closes me in.

In a dark hole with a shadow of light a hundred miles above my head.

Not yet.

Someday.

Just not today.

LISTEN LOUD

music |ˈmyoōzik|

noun

1 the art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion : he devoted his life to music.

• the vocal or instrumental sound

Music bleeds through my skin.
That is the way it has been.
& sometimes I imagine myself living on the dark side of the moon.
In the middle of june just rockin out to some tunes.
I have lived in a homeless house since I was born.
I feel as though I am a hobo living in the town of New York.
Lost & hopeless I just stand in the middle of an intersection. Standing alone at rush hour with earbuds in & shutting the world out.
Peace & tranquility gets better when I play my music a little louder.
So when you see a kid with earbuds in walking down the street.
Just remember that, that kid over there is trying to become someone.
And I am trying to find myself in this world to see if I exist.
The only way I know how to do that is to listen to the past voices of those who found themselves.

I got to say life seems a little sweeter when I got a song to relate to.
& when I heard my voice for the first time I knew I finally found myself.
I just knew.

Happy Birthday Mom, sorry that it sucked

I understand.

Dad. I understand.

I understand that things don’t go as planned.

I also understand that mom; you are the best mother on the face of this planet.

And mom; you should be praised for at least two days of the year if not every day of every year.

No one should say otherwise.

Dad.

Dad. Look at me.

I have had a terrible life of not having you in it.

And I need you now.

Mom needs you now and I understand.

And I hear you constantly say that you ‘tried’ and you ‘tried’, but you just need to try a little harder.

Go ahead and forget what I have just said.

Say that, “it won’t matter much longer because I’ll be gone before you know it.”

Huh.

Say to me, “Shorty, don’t worry”

But every day I worry of waking up to this life that I am living in.

By the end we just act normal, behaving like nothing happened.

Lets just finish the birthday cake and continue on with our lives.

Well.

Sorry but I just can’t do this.

Dad. I can’t do this.

Dad. I can’t deal with this and mom is crying several of the many days of her life.

And I; I am just waiting for you to say, “it won’t matter much longer” because one day you’ll be gone, and I will not have a thought cross my mind of feeling sad for you.

Hearts Live Lives

A bitter heart tastes better when it's your own.

Being blind is easy when it comes to weaknesses.

"I don't have any blemishes but I can point out many flaws in other people."-Me. Sorry.

We all get bitter hearted but that doesn't mean that we need to be blinded.

See around you.

See that we are not just faces but living souls,

Because out there the world judges with an iron mallet.

Instead of holding hands we bare arms.

Love is not meant to be said but to be felt.

Like a tattoo let "LOVE" be written on ours hearts.

Say something nicer than, "ugly."

Those who say otherwise I say this, "THEY ARE WRONG."

Sure we have broken bones & broken souls but we aren't giving up!

It is time to be lovers underneath covers.

For war never had a friend.

And we have to believe that the world is wrong.

But when we try to yell & no one chooses not to hear, do we make a sound.

Teachers ask of what we want to be but neglect of what we say.

As though we need to become what we are not.

Now I never tell what I truly want to be,

For I don't want to be nothing.

My dreams got called names too.

Silly. Stupid. Pointless.

There is something inside of you that makes you try to brush off those who tell you to quit.

We have to believe that they are wrong.

For life has to deal less with pain & more to do with love.

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