Chapter 11 & a Half.

I got 117 days to say goodbye to Lone Peak.

I got 79 school days to remember to be the best of my 12-year diploma.

I got 3 older brothers that are taller than Frank Jackson.

I got 1 sister that likes to live like a model but clean people's teeth for a living.

I got 2 cats that are named Si & kitty.

Sorry for not naming the last one with a reasonable name.

I got 1 house that I have lived in since I was born.

I got too many life stories & not old enough to drink to forget them.

I got 3 names & they spell out B.I.G.

I got 10 fingers that like to hold hands.

I got 10 toes that break too easily.

I got 1 religion & I don't plan to change from that.

I got 740 & counting songs to listen to.

I got 2.13 GBs of used art, videos, drafts, & published letters on my flash drive.

I got 2 rock climbing harnesses & no shoes that fit.

I got 1 million things to say but I forget to write them down.

I got 1 reason why I am here & it is to learn from Mr. Nelson.

I got 1 reason I got to live.

& That is enough to be who I am.

-Brenden Gajdos

Real Talk

If you knew me, you'd know I wanted to leave Utah a long time ago.

Somewhere where I can explore. 

Out into the fields is a future worth exploring.

If you knew me, you'd know I enjoy service work more than myself.

You'd know I would serve for the rest of my life

if I didn't have to worry about myself.

If you knew me, you'd know when I was a kid

who cried when someone got hurt. 

As if their pain was conducted through me.

I am a forgetful person, 

like a child who doesn't know what is going on until I forget about it.

If you knew me, you'd know I never forget names of those who impacted my life.

So sorry if I forget you, it's because you never remembered me.

If you knew me, you'd know I sometimes forget my friends. 

Who they are & why they know me.

Music is why my heart beats.

You'd know I can't play an instrument.

If you knew me, you'd know I get away from home as often as I can.

You'd know I like anything better than what I got at home.

Because I feel more at home when I got no shelter.

If you knew me, you'd know sleep is not a motivator for me.

It's a waste of my time when I could get creativity flown at its prime.

You'd know I like to wear onesies.

If you knew me, you'd know I fool myself too many times.

I hedged too many feeling of mine heart & mind

and now I get tangled in the smallest degree of my immense emotions.

I can't decide anything, because afterwards I regret it in the end.

If you knew me, you'd know I am a post card that has a pretty picture of a pretty place.

That is all that I am.

I am just the Gajdos kid who does so well at saying the sacrament prayers.

Thank you all for noticing, but I don't like the attention.

If you knew me, you'd know I am just like my dad, who is just like my grandmother who carries too many things. 

My room is an artists mess.

Holding onto too many things just to remind me of some distant memory I had.

If you knew me, you'd know it takes me two or three tries before I give up.

So if you don't want to date me, just say it up front.

Don't say no to me after we get married.

If you knew me, you'd know I like single dating.

Then I won't get nervous about missing something in the conversation.

I can see who you really are. 

But that doesn't matter because,

I was cursed with an incessant love of everyone.

If you knew me, you'd know I am optimistic.

So I will shout out,

Live a life worth telling as a bedtime story.

Recalling Utopia

I remember my life. 
My Past.
It was easy & every student wrote like they had something to say.
This air it was mine before it was yours.
I hate small talk & polite conversations & fake moments with people I don't care about.
I'm afraid of boring people, but I'm no longer afraid of my dad.
A waste of potential.
I still remember the moon, the sun, & everything in between
I remember the clouds that gave us time. 
Time ain't gonna stop us now.
I remember thinking about tourists and moons
I remember Home
I remember what life is really like,
I remember my potential.
I remember standing out in the middle of a field, alone.
I remember myself. young, realizing for the first time I am mortal
I remember the only thing that matters to me is family
I remember One.Two.Three. but Not Four.
I remember My back hurt & my knees starting telling me when storms were near.
I remember watching the late afternoon light.*
I remember a Letter to a Young Poet.
I remember The rain.
I remember Other people's dreams.
I remember Other people's problems.
I remember my mother's voice
I remember an old photo album of me
I remember that every year flowers die & trees lose their leaves & nobody cries.
I remember we're all dying But look how nice the day was.
I remember how long I can hold my breath.
I remembered my childhood the other day,
I remember Somewhere in the basement, I wrote my name on the wall. But someone else lives there now.
I remember trying to forgive my dad.
I remember

Senior Year