On The Menu For Today
On the menu for today,
alcohol is our best seller because everyone who orders this has something they
want to forget.
If you are not looking
forward to forgetting your life I highly suggest going with the parsley.
Warning: parsley is bitter, but not as bitter as life can be.
Take this if you want to be reminded that life is not only bitterness.
Warning: parsley is bitter, but not as bitter as life can be.
Take this if you want to be reminded that life is not only bitterness.
Last is the salt.
The finest kosher salt, because we have to have something for the Jews.
The finest kosher salt, because we have to have something for the Jews.
The best way to apply
the salt is into the cuts of your past and remember every painful sin you've
committed.
The things we eat
slowly kill us inside.
Not like poison but the choices we make, because every sin stings more than the last.
Just make sure your sins don't show because that is not ethnical.
If you insist on revealing every flaw you will wake up with the word "SINNER" tattooed to the inside of your eye lids & you won't be able to forget who you truly are.
Not like poison but the choices we make, because every sin stings more than the last.
Just make sure your sins don't show because that is not ethnical.
If you insist on revealing every flaw you will wake up with the word "SINNER" tattooed to the inside of your eye lids & you won't be able to forget who you truly are.
But that is okay.
Don’t forget who you are because when you forget yourself, when you forget your sins, you lose your sanity.
Don’t forget who you are because when you forget yourself, when you forget your sins, you lose your sanity.
Because I got to admit
that I have sinned the same sin more than once.
I morn for the clarity of a sinless life.
So I take the salt to remind me of my sins to make sure I never make the same mistake again.
Every time I blink my sins is a constant reminder of who I am & I don’t need any alcohol to suppress the deep secrets inside of me.
For I like my sins & I don’t want to forget who I am.
I morn for the clarity of a sinless life.
So I take the salt to remind me of my sins to make sure I never make the same mistake again.
Every time I blink my sins is a constant reminder of who I am & I don’t need any alcohol to suppress the deep secrets inside of me.
For I like my sins & I don’t want to forget who I am.
Cheers (British accent)
Chapter 11 & a Half.
I got 117 days to say goodbye to Lone Peak.
I got 79 school days to remember to be the best of my 12-year diploma.
I got 3 older brothers that are taller than Frank Jackson.
I got 1 sister that likes to live like a model but clean people's teeth for a living.
I got 2 cats that are named Si & kitty.
Sorry for not naming the last one with a reasonable name.
I got 1 house that I have lived in since I was born.
I got too many life stories & not old enough to drink to forget them.
I got 3 names & they spell out B.I.G.
I got 10 fingers that like to hold hands.
I got 10 toes that break too easily.
I got 1 religion & I don't plan to change from that.
I got 740 & counting songs to listen to.
I got 2.13 GBs of used art, videos, drafts, & published letters on my flash drive.
I got 2 rock climbing harnesses & no shoes that fit.
I got 1 million things to say but I forget to write them down.
I got 1 reason why I am here & it is to learn from Mr. Nelson.
I got 1 reason I got to live.
& That is enough to be who I am.
-Brenden Gajdos
Real Talk
If you knew me, you'd know I wanted to leave Utah a long time ago.
Somewhere where I can explore.
Out into the fields is a future worth exploring.
If you knew me, you'd know I enjoy service work more than myself.
You'd know I would serve for the rest of my life
if I didn't have to worry about myself.
If you knew me, you'd know when I was a kid
who cried when someone got hurt.
As if their pain was conducted through me.
I am a forgetful person,
like a child who doesn't know what is going on until I forget about it.
If you knew me, you'd know I never forget names of those who impacted my life.
So sorry if I forget you, it's because you never remembered me.
If you knew me, you'd know I sometimes forget my friends.
Who they are & why they know me.
Music is why my heart beats.
You'd know I can't play an instrument.
If you knew me, you'd know I get away from home as often as I can.
You'd know I like anything better than what I got at home.
Because I feel more at home when I got no shelter.
If you knew me, you'd know sleep is not a motivator for me.
It's a waste of my time when I could get creativity flown at its prime.
You'd know I like to wear onesies.
If you knew me, you'd know I fool myself too many times.
I hedged too many feeling of mine heart & mind
and now I get tangled in the smallest degree of my immense emotions.
I can't decide anything, because afterwards I regret it in the end.
If you knew me, you'd know I am a post card that has a pretty picture of a pretty place.
That is all that I am.
I am just the Gajdos kid who does so well at saying the sacrament prayers.
Thank you all for noticing, but I don't like the attention.
If you knew me, you'd know I am just like my dad, who is just like my grandmother who carries too many things.
My room is an artists mess.
Holding onto too many things just to remind me of some distant memory I had.
If you knew me, you'd know it takes me two or three tries before I give up.
So if you don't want to date me, just say it up front.
Don't say no to me after we get married.
If you knew me, you'd know I like single dating.
Then I won't get nervous about missing something in the conversation.
I can see who you really are.
But that doesn't matter because,
I was cursed with an incessant love of everyone.
If you knew me, you'd know I am optimistic.
So I will shout out,
Live a life worth telling as a bedtime story.
Recalling Utopia
I remember my life.
My Past.
It was easy & every student wrote like they had something to say.
This air it was mine before it was yours.
I hate small talk & polite conversations & fake moments with people I don't care about.
I'm afraid of boring people, but I'm no longer afraid of my dad.
A waste of potential.
I still remember the moon, the sun, & everything in between
I remember the clouds that gave us time.
Time ain't gonna stop us now.
I remember thinking about tourists and moons
I remember Home
I remember what life is really like,
I remember my potential.
I remember standing out in the middle of a field, alone.
I remember myself. young, realizing for the first time I am mortal
I remember the only thing that matters to me is family
I remember One.Two.Three. but Not Four.
I remember My back hurt & my knees starting telling me when storms were near.
I remember watching the late afternoon light.*
I remember a Letter to a Young Poet.
I remember The rain.
I remember Other people's dreams.
I remember Other people's problems.
I remember my mother's voice
I remember an old photo album of me
I remember that every year flowers die & trees lose their leaves & nobody cries.
I remember we're all dying But look how nice the day was.
I remember how long I can hold my breath.
I remembered my childhood the other day,
I remember Somewhere in the basement, I wrote my name on the wall. But someone else lives there now.
I remember trying to forgive my dad.
I remember
My Past.
It was easy & every student wrote like they had something to say.
This air it was mine before it was yours.
I hate small talk & polite conversations & fake moments with people I don't care about.
I'm afraid of boring people, but I'm no longer afraid of my dad.
A waste of potential.
I still remember the moon, the sun, & everything in between
I remember the clouds that gave us time.
Time ain't gonna stop us now.
I remember thinking about tourists and moons
I remember Home
I remember what life is really like,
I remember my potential.
I remember standing out in the middle of a field, alone.
I remember myself. young, realizing for the first time I am mortal
I remember the only thing that matters to me is family
I remember One.Two.Three. but Not Four.
I remember My back hurt & my knees starting telling me when storms were near.
I remember watching the late afternoon light.*
I remember a Letter to a Young Poet.
I remember The rain.
I remember Other people's dreams.
I remember Other people's problems.
I remember my mother's voice
I remember an old photo album of me
I remember that every year flowers die & trees lose their leaves & nobody cries.
I remember we're all dying But look how nice the day was.
I remember how long I can hold my breath.
I remembered my childhood the other day,
I remember Somewhere in the basement, I wrote my name on the wall. But someone else lives there now.
I remember trying to forgive my dad.
I remember
| Senior Year |
Home, Sweet Home.
I am prisoner 4103.
I live just down the hall; to the right at cell 251.
I have lived here in sunny valley prison for 14 years.
14 years down & a whole life to go.
Make that 3 life sentences.
You don't need to know why I got here.
You just need to know why I live.
Getting shut out from the rest of the world I live alone.
Hearing the serenade of screaming voices outside my cell never brought me closer to home.
Everyone I have know is gone & I live here just to remember them.
I am prisoner 4103 & welcome to my home.
I live just down the hall; to the right at cell 251.
I have lived here in sunny valley prison for 14 years.
14 years down & a whole life to go.
Make that 3 life sentences.
You don't need to know why I got here.
You just need to know why I live.
Getting shut out from the rest of the world I live alone.
Hearing the serenade of screaming voices outside my cell never brought me closer to home.
Everyone I have know is gone & I live here just to remember them.
I am prisoner 4103 & welcome to my home.
Shots Worth Shooting
When you tell your dad about us being together.
Dang.
I mess up and fear kicks in.
Silence.
Shots fired & I am lying on the floor.
I defiantly do not have a chance with you again.
Especially when your dad pulled the trigger.
INKED WORDS
 |
| EXODUS 28:2-3 |
Bear their names... bear their names... bear the iniquity... for glory... for beauty. EXODUS 28
Break off... thy Gods, EXODUS 32:2-4
The man that... is become of him. EXODUS 32:23
 |
| EXODUS 35:26 |
They brought... men that... work for the offering of the sanctuary. EXODUS 36:3-6
 |
| EXODUS 36:38 |
They shall hear my voice; 3NEPHI 15:17
They shall hear my voice, 3NEPHI 16:3
Time is at hand... that ye cannot understand. Ponder upon the things... towards you. Have ye any that... are afflicted in any manner? Have compassion... that ye desire... faith. 3NEPHI 17:1-8
More or less... the gates of Hell are ready open to receive... you. 3NEPHI 18:13-14.
The morrow... raised... the dead. Jesus had chosen... twelve bodies. 3NEPHI 19:4-5
Bring forth... earth. 3 NEPHI 18:1-2
Listen Loud 'Cause I Am Saying This Once.
There are notes that I have written but never read.
I want them to be kept as secrets.
But these secrets I have locked up in an old wooden box.
My teachers tell me to dig up, pick up, & give up my secrets.
Secrets were meant to keep away from the world.
Especially when the world would get offended.
I keep secrets to myself, because sometimes I can only trust myself.
So leave me alone in my bedroom with the view of the mountains.
Authors don't need names but just need to be heard.
If my words are not enough to sooth your mind then I will tell.
I am, I am who I was supposed to be.
Every day there is something to work on.
Some how to become better.
I become someone that I can bear with.
I forgiven others & sometimes myself.
I understand the simplicity of life but I feel there is more.
I trusted people with given sentences of my life & now I forgot who hasn't returned them.
I have forgotten how my life story goes.
But now I am closer to paradise & all is needed is to take a step.
I am ready to give a chance.
I am ready to go.
I am Brenden Gajdos.
I will always be running into the sun.
Even till it goes dark.
I'll be in the background.
I'll be in the crowd.
I'll be forgotten.
Just wait & see.
But I will always be running.
Running into the past memories that I remember.
In the end I will be a figment of your past.
But one thing I don't want you to forget.
We only live when we touch the hearts of those we meet.
Don't forget that everyday counts for those who only got a handful.
Everyday I got is a blessing from God.
& one day you will see.
Voices are heard from the tapes we've made in the past.
Voices that changed hearts are still changing hearts now.
You will see that faces don't matter just as long as you remember their voices.
The voices of those who changed the world.
Remember my voice and not my face.
Thank you.
-Sincerely, Brenden Gajdos
I want them to be kept as secrets.
But these secrets I have locked up in an old wooden box.
My teachers tell me to dig up, pick up, & give up my secrets.
Secrets were meant to keep away from the world.
Especially when the world would get offended.
I keep secrets to myself, because sometimes I can only trust myself.
So leave me alone in my bedroom with the view of the mountains.
Authors don't need names but just need to be heard.
If my words are not enough to sooth your mind then I will tell.
I am, I am who I was supposed to be.
Every day there is something to work on.
Some how to become better.
I become someone that I can bear with.
I forgiven others & sometimes myself.
I understand the simplicity of life but I feel there is more.
I trusted people with given sentences of my life & now I forgot who hasn't returned them.
I have forgotten how my life story goes.
But now I am closer to paradise & all is needed is to take a step.
I am ready to give a chance.
I am ready to go.
I am Brenden Gajdos.
I will always be running into the sun.
Even till it goes dark.
I'll be in the background.
I'll be in the crowd.
I'll be forgotten.
Just wait & see.
But I will always be running.
Running into the past memories that I remember.
In the end I will be a figment of your past.
But one thing I don't want you to forget.
We only live when we touch the hearts of those we meet.
Don't forget that everyday counts for those who only got a handful.
Everyday I got is a blessing from God.
& one day you will see.
Voices are heard from the tapes we've made in the past.
Voices that changed hearts are still changing hearts now.
You will see that faces don't matter just as long as you remember their voices.
The voices of those who changed the world.
Remember my voice and not my face.
Thank you.
-Sincerely, Brenden Gajdos
Moments Heard
Here we go!
This is the time of our lives.
This is my shining moment.
Everyday is my moment.
Everyday is our moment so don't let go so easily.
Express every moment in great detail, 5 years from now you can reread the highlights of your life.
Live life.
Live to love.
Live to be kind.
Live to be caring.
Live to be yourself.
So don't tell me to stop because I am trying to go & see the world from the top of my roof.
I am not like the rest of the world.
I don't need any proof that hearts can feel.
I just know they can feel because I listen.
I listen to my heart.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for reading.
But this moment I don't want to be noticed for my name...
....but for what the words of my voice have to say.
This is the time of our lives.
This is my shining moment.
Everyday is my moment.
Everyday is our moment so don't let go so easily.
Express every moment in great detail, 5 years from now you can reread the highlights of your life.
Live life.
Live to love.
Live to be kind.
Live to be caring.
Live to be yourself.
So don't tell me to stop because I am trying to go & see the world from the top of my roof.
I am not like the rest of the world.
I don't need any proof that hearts can feel.
I just know they can feel because I listen.
I listen to my heart.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for reading.
But this moment I don't want to be noticed for my name...
....but for what the words of my voice have to say.
Not Ready To Confess
Never revealing who I am.
Too busy & won't have the time to do it right.
Even then you don't need to know who I am.
It's not about the person.
It's all about the words, the music, & what you take out of my writing.
So give me something to read because I need to feed my inspired mind.
& without written word man kind is blind.
& without fear nothing can be conquered.
But the fear I face is a brick wall that never ends to the left & to the right.
Looking up this wall, it goes through the clouds & into space.
& no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I just can't face it.
Not yet.
Can't break through it.
Fear closes in.
Confined on all sides this wall closes me in.
In a dark hole with a shadow of light a hundred miles above my head.
Not yet.
Someday.
Just not today.
LISTEN LOUD
noun
1 the art or science of combining vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion : he devoted his life to music.
• the vocal or instrumental sound
That is the way it has been.
& sometimes I imagine myself living on the dark side of the moon.
In the middle of june just rockin out to some tunes.
I have lived in a homeless house since I was born.
I feel as though I am a hobo living in the town of New York.
Lost & hopeless I just stand in the middle of an intersection. Standing alone at rush hour with earbuds in & shutting the world out.
Peace & tranquility gets better when I play my music a little louder.
So when you see a kid with earbuds in walking down the street.
Just remember that, that kid over there is trying to become someone.
And I am trying to find myself in this world to see if I exist.
The only way I know how to do that is to listen to the past voices of those who found themselves.
I got to say life seems a little sweeter when I got a song to relate to.
& when I heard my voice for the first time I knew I finally found myself.
I just knew.
& when I heard my voice for the first time I knew I finally found myself.
I just knew.
Happy Birthday Mom, sorry that it sucked
I understand.
Dad. I understand.
I understand that things don’t go as planned.
I also understand that mom; you are the best mother on the
face of this planet.
And mom; you should be praised for at least two days of the year if not every day of every
year.
No one should say otherwise.
Dad.
Dad. Look at me.
I have had a
terrible life of not having you in it.
And I need you now.
Mom needs you now
and I understand.
And I hear you constantly say that you ‘tried’ and you
‘tried’, but you just need to try a little harder.
Go ahead and forget
what I have just said.
Say that, “it won’t matter much longer because I’ll be gone
before you know it.”
Huh.
Say to me, “Shorty, don’t worry”
But every day I
worry of waking up to this life that I am living in.
By the end we just act normal, behaving like nothing
happened.
Lets just finish the
birthday cake and continue on with our lives.
Well.
Sorry but I just can’t do this.
Dad. I can’t do
this.
Dad. I can’t deal
with this and mom is crying
several of the many days of her life.
And I; I am just waiting for you to say, “it won’t matter much longer”
because one day you’ll be gone,
and I will not have a thought cross my mind of feeling sad for you.
Hearts Live Lives
A bitter heart tastes better when it's your own.
Being blind is easy when it comes to weaknesses.
"I don't have any blemishes but I can point out many flaws in other people."-Me. Sorry.
We all get bitter hearted but that doesn't mean that we need to be blinded.
See around you.
See that we are not just faces but living souls,
Because out there the world judges with an iron mallet.
Instead of holding hands we bare arms.
Love is not meant to be said but to be felt.
Like a tattoo let "LOVE" be written on ours hearts.
Say something nicer than, "ugly."
Those who say otherwise I say this, "THEY ARE WRONG."
Sure we have broken bones & broken souls but we aren't giving up!
It is time to be lovers underneath covers.
For war never had a friend.
And we have to believe that the world is wrong.
But when we try to yell & no one chooses not to hear, do we make a sound.
Teachers ask of what we want to be but neglect of what we say.
As though we need to become what we are not.
Now I never tell what I truly want to be,
For I don't want to be nothing.
My dreams got called names too.
Silly. Stupid. Pointless.
There is something inside of you that makes you try to brush off those who tell you to quit.
We have to believe that they are wrong.
For life has to deal less with pain & more to do with love.
Closed
Thank you for calling Tea & Crumpets, sorry that we couldn't get to you.
We are closed today.
We are open from now to never on monday through friday.
On saturday, don't even bother & sunday is our day off.
Thank you for calling Tea & Crumpets, please don't call again.
If so call 1(925)-398-8888.
Thank you & have a great day.
We are closed today.
We are open from now to never on monday through friday.
On saturday, don't even bother & sunday is our day off.
Thank you for calling Tea & Crumpets, please don't call again.
If so call 1(925)-398-8888.
Thank you & have a great day.
Please... don't turn away from me
The truth is... that we go together like chocolate strawberries.
I am only here to make you taste a little bit sweeter.
I don't want to forget the good moments together.
The real moments.
It can seem so real you & me, but I just don't have the courage
to ask you to hold my hand.
I will kiss you & ask for you forgiveness rather than request
the true kiss that was not wasted.
But when is it the right time to do this?
How can I risk this?
Where would we shatter as we finally meet?
I just need to think it all through so I don't mess up on my first
kiss.
My palms are sweaty & I just think something is not right.
I need to get out of here.
But I can't leave you because I don't know when I will ever see
you again.
I'll take your hand.
Take all the air I can before we shoot to space.
Embrace.
I want this flash of time to be genuine.
I want this breathless second to be real.
We are evidently meant to be in sync.
Like yin finally found yang in junior year yet went to the same
school since timberline middle school.
But why now, why not two years ago that I could have met you.
I got a crush on you that is so obvious.
I help but ask if you want to go on a date with me?
Maybe this Saturday, around 8pm?
The Disease Within
Fear runs too deep into my past.
Like vines fear has grown rooted inside of me.
If you tried to extract it from my body, then I would be torn to pieces and blood would be everywhere.
I fear too much.
I am afraid of death.
Not just because of what my life will be known for, but what death becomes of me.
Death is the only reason for me to live longer.
What drags me closer to death is the disease within.
This disease inside of me will consume me.
I will have no control over my body, yet still conscious and feel the pain of my unresponsive figure.
I fear of becoming my father.
I have seen this same disease inside of me evolve from my dad.
The disease inside took control of him.
The doctors tried to remove it...
That was the day he died.
Something is controlling his silhouette body.
I fear of becoming my father; yet, this fear forces me to fight this disease.
This fear impulses me to fight for my free life.
If I do not, then my body will be nothing more than the disease inside.
Like vines fear has grown rooted inside of me.
If you tried to extract it from my body, then I would be torn to pieces and blood would be everywhere.
I fear too much.
I am afraid of death.
Not just because of what my life will be known for, but what death becomes of me.
Death is the only reason for me to live longer.
What drags me closer to death is the disease within.
This disease inside of me will consume me.
I will have no control over my body, yet still conscious and feel the pain of my unresponsive figure.
I fear of becoming my father.
I have seen this same disease inside of me evolve from my dad.
The disease inside took control of him.
The doctors tried to remove it...
That was the day he died.
Something is controlling his silhouette body.
I fear of becoming my father; yet, this fear forces me to fight this disease.
This fear impulses me to fight for my free life.
If I do not, then my body will be nothing more than the disease inside.
Feeling Alive
My hands are bleeding.
Cannot hold on to what I have now.
Reach for the last stone.
Grasp the surface with my fingers.
Tearing off scars when falling away with anguish.
Gritting teeth and salty sweat in dry eyes.
Won't give up.
Know it hurts.
No excuse.
Common sense decided to leave early tonight.
Staring eyes upon crippled hands.
Don't mind.
Sweet sounds flow through the ears.
Shaking with adrenalin.
Forget about human nature.
Stress does not get inside.
Muscles are tight.
Blood is flowing through wounds.
Energy is low.
Strength is neutral.
Determination is high.
Walk to where it all began.
Grasp the stones.
It is all or nothing.
Trigger is pulled.
Lacerated tissues and wrenching pain.
Finish is in sight.
No breath and seconds to last.
My body says no, but my mind says yes.
I take hold of the gem, the finish.
In an instant, like something from hell plucks me off like an apple.
Ready for eating.
This time I scream.
Not of pain.
Not for falling.
I deteriorate.
Had a hand on the finish and just let it slip.
Picking up the shredded pieces of me.
Live off of every single beat of my heart.
Not yet.
Not now.
Defeat is not known.
My collapsing heart still lives.
Will live on.
Will grasp that last stone.
Will be triumphant.
Cannot hold on to what I have now.
Reach for the last stone.
Grasp the surface with my fingers.
Tearing off scars when falling away with anguish.
Gritting teeth and salty sweat in dry eyes.
Won't give up.
Know it hurts.
No excuse.
Common sense decided to leave early tonight.
Staring eyes upon crippled hands.
Don't mind.
Sweet sounds flow through the ears.
Shaking with adrenalin.
Forget about human nature.
Stress does not get inside.
Muscles are tight.
Blood is flowing through wounds.
Energy is low.
Strength is neutral.
Determination is high.
Walk to where it all began.
Grasp the stones.
It is all or nothing.
Trigger is pulled.
Lacerated tissues and wrenching pain.
Finish is in sight.
No breath and seconds to last.
My body says no, but my mind says yes.
I take hold of the gem, the finish.
In an instant, like something from hell plucks me off like an apple.
Ready for eating.
This time I scream.
Not of pain.
Not for falling.
I deteriorate.
Had a hand on the finish and just let it slip.
Picking up the shredded pieces of me.
Live off of every single beat of my heart.
Not yet.
Not now.
Defeat is not known.
My collapsing heart still lives.
Will live on.
Will grasp that last stone.
Will be triumphant.
Childhood Bricks
Not
remembering my childhood is the best decision of my life.
I don't remember all the weight that I had to bear when I was a wee lad.
I imagine my childhood as a normal kid.
Doing the homework that my teachers gave me & playing with everyone during recess was the dream.
In reality I was born sick.
I never got over it.
Homework was work with no pay to me.
I got another class just to think through my life.
Recess though; that was fun.
I forgot my situations & lived a boys' dream.
I played football with my best friend & was the star running back.
I felt important.
Now back to the life.
My special class gave me bricks to help with my problems.
I took all my bricks and stacked them in my backpack.
I guess I needed all I could get because of my situations.
I forgot to do my homework again & got twice as much bricks to make up the difference.
Being crushed by the weight I continued to live this way.
No one told me that I could be living a normal boys life.
They told me that there is a better way now.
I wish they told me this before it was too late.
Having gathered all those bricks from all those years has strengthened me to carry on.
Now I continue to carry on a few bricks.
I didn't want to forget how I become the person I am today.
I just remember my bricks & how they built me into a brick man.
I just wish I didn't have to give up my heart in order to survive the overwhelming burdens of my childhood problems- my childhood bricks.
I don't remember all the weight that I had to bear when I was a wee lad.
I imagine my childhood as a normal kid.
Doing the homework that my teachers gave me & playing with everyone during recess was the dream.
In reality I was born sick.
I never got over it.
Homework was work with no pay to me.
I got another class just to think through my life.
Recess though; that was fun.
I forgot my situations & lived a boys' dream.
I played football with my best friend & was the star running back.
I felt important.
Now back to the life.
My special class gave me bricks to help with my problems.
I took all my bricks and stacked them in my backpack.
I guess I needed all I could get because of my situations.
I forgot to do my homework again & got twice as much bricks to make up the difference.
Being crushed by the weight I continued to live this way.
No one told me that I could be living a normal boys life.
They told me that there is a better way now.
I wish they told me this before it was too late.
Having gathered all those bricks from all those years has strengthened me to carry on.
Now I continue to carry on a few bricks.
I didn't want to forget how I become the person I am today.
I just remember my bricks & how they built me into a brick man.
I just wish I didn't have to give up my heart in order to survive the overwhelming burdens of my childhood problems- my childhood bricks.
Nightmares
I just can't think.
I don't want to blink.
I am afraid of what will be manifested in my mind.
Being left alone with my nightmares I am confined.
The darkness slowly eats inside of me,
until all that is left is the dark soul of misery.
A shadow of what I was.
Death waits with open jaws.
I am nothing.
Not one thing.
I do not want to think because I am afraid.
Now seeing the executioner sharpening his axe blade.
Listening to my last breath.
I am afraid of death.
I am afraid of death.
Overshadowing me he glides.
He holds my hand as he guides.
Waiting to lift the soul out of my cold corps;
I promised him, I begged him, I swore to him;
If he would give me one more chance.
Given one insight of my life,
& I saw you at first glance.
Do not think I have been this nervous about my thoughts.
And now I have held it in too long because now my stomach have knots.
It makes me fade from reality;
and now my nightmares have become my normality.
Life is not as it seems to be.
I guess I have lost that key.
News are creating opinions,
that is making collisions.
But in the end I fall into this motion.
I don't insist on this notion.
I am just like one of you.
Adieu.
Lovers Dream
At night and asleep I dream about you and sometimes can see the silhouette of your face.
Throughout my life I think about you.
I think about you like the waves think about gliding on the beach.
I think about you like the moon thinks about kissing the calm seas.
I think about you like a little child thinks about warm hugs on a winters day.
I don't want to let you go.
It is dark outside and I am in my bed.
I dream of a beautiful girl, with a warm smile as she looks towards me.
I want to know who you are.
I want to know why you care.
I want to be the man that is good.
That is strong.
That is faithful.
I want to be the man for you.
So wherever you are in my dreams, I'll be dreaming of you.
And in the end you are dreaming of me too.
Sharing a lovers dream.
Throughout my life I think about you.
I think about you like the waves think about gliding on the beach.
I think about you like the moon thinks about kissing the calm seas.
I think about you like a little child thinks about warm hugs on a winters day.
I don't want to let you go.
It is dark outside and I am in my bed.
I dream of a beautiful girl, with a warm smile as she looks towards me.
I want to know who you are.
I want to know why you care.
I want to be the man that is good.
That is strong.
That is faithful.
I want to be the man for you.
So wherever you are in my dreams, I'll be dreaming of you.
And in the end you are dreaming of me too.
Sharing a lovers dream.
Forgotten Love
True Love.
Is what brings us together today.
But what is love?
I want to know how to love;
How to be loved;
How to know you're in love.
So tell me all those sappy love stories like,
"When we first met I didn't know you would be so important to me."
"You didn't whisper it into my ear, but into my heart."
"We feel in love by chance. We stay in love by choice."
"Just hold me in your arms and never let go."
"The best thing to hold on is each other."
"Heaven is a place on earth with you."
but by the end I am alone without you...
trying to remember your poems...
...trying to remember what love felt.
trying to remember how
I fell in love with you.
Old Records Become New Records
...like an old record I blow the dirt away
...using it for the first time since centuries
...I see the lack of knowledge that I once had
...where did it all go?
...I don’t know, but I can start a new
...So I blow off the dust from these records
...& make a new song, a new life.
World Class Jerk
These are the people who eat
little kids for lunch.
They are not the ones who steal your lunch money, but
they are the one’s who think they are better than you.
They prove this by
discriminating you for who you are.
They pester you & never care for who you are.
They try to rip your heart out
because they don’t have one.
We try to forget what they have done but at times the
reoccurring thoughts of the pain & anguish they have caused takes over your
mind & you try to forget.
You try…
…to forget.
HUE MAN
what happens during this hostile encounter?
"You may
either win your peace or buy it; win it, by resisting evil; or buy it, by
compromising with evil." -John Ruslom
There is no
plain evil, but in the moments that we have been given we chose to do wrong or
right.
ENGLISH TIME-
Definition of
Evil: profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity,
especially when regarded as a supernatural force.
The world is
not sinless & yet expects perfection.
Sorry but I
have sinned.
I guess I
must leave the room for saying that.
I am DY4RANT
for this & my differences show who I am.
"I
didn't belong as a kid, & that always bothered me. If only i'd known that
one day my differentness would have been much easier." -Bette Midler
I feel
nothing, as though my soul has been stolen by the devil!
I can't do
it! -my body says
I don't know
my life! -my mind says
I don't know
my childhood. -I say...
Who was I?
My heart gets
crushed so easily & I don't know why.
I have
complete trust in anyone, but why is it hard for others to trust in me?
Am I too
foreign?
Am I too much
European to handle?
Yet I was
born in 'Emerica', raised by America, & yet I have the burning passion of
my motherland.
So I am not a
robot?
What?
I feel
dreams.
I smell the
color yellow when I feel happy.
I taste red
as pain seeps through my cuts and scabs.
I am...
...real.
Don't paint
your life with lies just to make it look decretive.
Leave that
chair bare, free of varnish, free of paint, & free of deceit.
Show the real
you.
No lies.
All truth;
even if it hurts when you feel the splinters in your hands.
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